Deconstruction Fear: What will God Think?
The following is an excerpt from Sleeper, Awake: 40 days of companionship for the deconstruction process.
Fear About What God Will Think
The questions which blossom throughout the course of your unlearning can come fast and furious, or creep in over longer periods of time. Regardless of how quickly the process unfolds, eventually you’ll face a profound fear:
What will God think about your questions and doubts?
If God is the creator of the universe and the sustainer of your very breath, how dare you question what they require for holiness?
This fear reminds me of the culminating scene in the Wizard of Oz. Our intimidating image of God is actually a little man with a blustery voice amplified into an angry, controlling deity who demands sacrifice. But God is larger than any man-sized concept, and our human-shaped idea of justice as equivalent to rage is similarly false, constraining, and reductive.
So much of what Christianity has become today is man-made, just as it was when Jesus walked the earth and pointed out hypocrisy and abuse. It’s no simple process to sort through what is good, true, useful, and beautiful, and what is human-inspired and inaccurate. But a God who is love will not be angered by someone wanting to focus on the former and reject the latter.
God is love, truth, connectedness, and life. They could never be mad at you for seeking truth, for that is who they are.
Listen to yourself and in that quietude you might hear the voice of God.