Search

A Queer Ticket to a Moment

Jul 30
2 min read

"A photograph is the pause button of life."

Pictures are a return ticket to a moment that is otherwise gone. Those moments may still be tucked away in the deepest recesses of our minds. Some memories we try to forget, yet they remain a part of us. As a transgender man, pictures from my past can bring up a perplexity of emotions and thoughts.

The photo above recently surfaced in my Facebook memories. My beloved remembered it too, and shared her thoughts about it, then asked for mine. Her question prompted a period of introspection.

These are my thoughts.

The person in that picture feels like a stranger, even though I lived that life. I remember the moment the photograph was taken, but it's a profoundly strange experience to look at yourself and at the same time not recognize yourself.

I see someone who was doing the best they could to be a person they were never meant to be. Someone existing in a state of not truly being. They survived, they smiled, they kept going—all while being disconnected from themself.

Imagine looking at a photograph of someone else and being told "that's you!" Every part of you insists it can't be. The memories around the picture belong to me, are part of me, but the person in the photo doesn't feel like me.

It's a disorienting experience, one that is difficult to explain unless you've lived it.

Today, that photograph reminds me not only of who I was expected to be for most of my life and in that moment, but also of the long journey I've made toward becoming who I've always really been.

Here's a recent picture of me with my Beloved:

I feel more me than I have in my entire life.

I am Declan. I am a transgender man. I am loved. I am becoming.

Declan DeWitt Hall (he/him) is an ordained Stephen Minister, speaker, and online community builder who helps organizations deepen their impact. As co-creator of the Where True Love Is movement, Declan focuses on social justice, inclusion, and belonging. He is dedicated to creating spaces where all people are welcomed, valued, and empowered to thrive. Declan is a proud husband, father, and grandfather. He also happens to be transgender.