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Sex Can't Fix You

The contemplation below is the entry for Day 41 in my Sex With God devotional.


The Dance of Giving and Receiving

We all have areas of brokenness which disrupt our lives and relationships. The healthiest and happiest of us work on recognizing when those disruptions are happening, so we can navigate around them. When they aren’t addressed, they show up in all kinds of places, including the bedroom.

But sex can’t fix your brokenness.

If you feel unlovable, having sex won’t make you feel better about yourself. If you’re attracted to members of the same sex and think there’s something wrong with that, having sex with the opposite gender won’t make it stop. If you’re married to someone who is abusive, you can’t sex them into treating you well.

Intimacy with a partner who loves you and desires wholeness for you can be healing. But sex won’t create emotional intimacy if it isn’t there.

Sex isn’t medicine, and it isn’t therapy. It’s best (and safest) to have your head and heart on straight before entering into sexual relationships, rather than assuming everything will get better, easier, or healthier by getting laid.

Chances are it will get worse.

Holy intimacy is fostered with the marriage to two commitments: one to sitting in quiet solitude with the inner Self; the other to sitting in rapt attention with one’s mortal Beloved.

Mariah McKenzie


Suzanne DeWitt Hall is the author of the Where True Love Is devotional series, the Living in Hope series of books supporting the loved ones of transgender people, The Language of Bodies (Woodhall Press, 2022), and the Rumplepimple adventures.


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